


The Great Bed Switch of '77

by gryffindorJ



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, Remix
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-11
Updated: 2010-08-11
Packaged: 2019-08-23 18:57:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16624589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gryffindorJ/pseuds/gryffindorJ
Summary: James doesn't believe Remus and Sirius are a couple.





	The Great Bed Switch of '77

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Alphabet Soup](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/432692) by Minnow_53. 



> Thank you to torino10154 for the read through and a BIG THANK YOU to elizassecret for the beta.

"Jamie." 

"James."

"Prongs."

"What?" 

"We want to talk to you about something." 

"Padfoot, he knows why he's sitting here." 

"I know, but when his mum and dad want to talk to him that's how they start and I thought he'd be a bit more comfortable if it started out in a familiar way." 

"When have you been around when his parents talk to him?" Remus had that tone, the one that means he's mostly amused, but thinks Sirius is full of shit. 

"This past summer. When his mum caught him having it off with that girl from the village. They tried to talk to him about sex, or _copulation_ as James' dad kept calling it." Sirius could feel the laughter welling up inside of him from the memory of the conversation. He hadn't been in the room, the talk was for James alone – Sirius hadn't been the one caught with his plonker out. He had crouched in the hall by the door, listening as James groaned and said things like "I know!" and "Mum!" and "I don't want to know how I was conceived!" 

"How did his mum catch him?" 

"James isn't exactly—" 

"If you two don't mind!" James' voice rose, causing both Remus and Sirius to look up at him. "I'm in the room, you know! Don't talk about me like I'm not here." James looked angry already and they hadn't even gotten to the heart of the situation. 

Sirius decided he should just come right out and say it. He wasn't very good at breaking things gently, and besides, it didn't matter how bluntly they put it, James wouldn't believe them. 

"Moony and I fancy each other, a lot." 

"Great, I fancy you guys, too. Now can we go?" James stood up from his bed and Sirius reached out and pushed him back down. 

"No. James. I mean... _we_ mean that we like each other a lot, you know, with snogging and feelings and stuff." 

James' mouth dropped open and he looked from Sirius to Remus and back again. "No you don't. You're not a poof and neither is Remus." 

Remus looked up at James, the right corner of his mouth twitching. He was trying to restrain himself from making fun of James, it would only piss him off at this point. "What makes you so certain we aren't poofs?" 

"Because it's natural to be curious." James stood up from the bed, pacing in front of them. His shirt hung out from beneath his jumper, perfectly crafted to look casual. James considered it his signature look. He thought it made him attractively rumpled and handsome. "Jesus!" James threw up his hands then scrubbed one through his hair. "We all look at a bloke in the shower every now and again." 

"No. James. We all look at Kiser in the shower every now and again." 

"Cock as big as a baby elephant's trunk." Sirius nodded in agreement and Remus repressed a laugh. 

"That's not funny!" James stopped pacing and glared at them. Sirius suddenly felt like he and Remus were two chastised children and James was going to make them sit in a corner until they straightened themselves out. "You two are just—you know—testing the waters." 

"We're soaking wet at this point." James winced at Sirius' reply and didn't look back at them. 

"This is mental, you two are just trying to wind me up. It won't work." James walked out of the dormitory and slammed the door. 

"That went well," Remus shrugged. 

Sirius flopped backwards on the bed, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes. "It's a disaster." 

"No, it's not. You didn't yell at him once. I consider that a success." Sirius couldn't see Remus because he still had his hands pressed tight to his face, but he could tell from the way Remus's leg brushed his that he was leaning over him. Sirius suddenly loathed the clothing separating their skin from making contact. 

"I didn't yell because I knew he was going to be a complete stubborn twat about it." Sirius sighed and growled quietly. 

"What?" 

"I can't feel your skin." Sirius dropped his hands from his eyes and looked at Remus. 

"Come over to my bed and I'll let you feel all of my skin." Remus slipped his hand over the top of Sirius' trousers and tugged at them. Sirius wrapped his hand around Remus' wrist to stop him. 

"We're already here on _my_ bed though." He raised his head, his lips ready for a kiss. 

"We always use your bed." Remus tugged again. 

"Your bed is too close to the window, it gets drafty." Sirius shivered at the thought of the cold air. 

"Use a warming charm." 

"Then it gets too hot and stuffy." 

"Wear a vest." 

"We wouldn't be skin on skin then, that's why we are staying here." Sirius grabbed Remus' other arm and pulled him down, landing slightly on top. Remus grumbled, relenting to what Sirius wanted, as always. He leaned in to kiss him finally, his thick eye-lashes brushing against Sirius' cheeks. Sirius had already begun to moan with pleasure and their lips hadn't even touched yet. Sometimes, the anticipation was as good as the kiss, but Remus was an outstanding kisser so it really was only sometimes. 

"Next time on my bed." Remus' voice was low and deep, emanating from his chest. He was so close when he spoke that his warm breath floated into Sirius' mouth, wrapping around his tongue so that Sirius could already taste him. He nodded to Remus' request knowing it would earn him his kiss. He would weasel out of it later, Remus was far too randy to put up a real fight about how, when or where they shagged. When Remus finally dropped his head the tiny distance to Sirius' lips, Sirius couldn't help but change his mind and think the conversation with James had ended much better than expected.

*~*~*

"Saturday evening, after the match," James announced, attempting to plop himself down between Remus and Sirius at the Gryffindor table. "Come on, budge up." James wriggled his skinny arse between them.

"Sit somewhere else." Sirius pushed him, but Remus moved over, letting James separate them. 

"What shall we do with them, then?" James smiled looking at each of them in turn. 

"Do what with who?" Peter asked, sopping up gravy with a chunk of bread. 

"The McDaniels, our dates for Saturday." James could only be more proud of himself if he had suddenly grown a second cock. "I don't know who's going with who. Not that it matters, they all look the same…but if you're interested, Pete, I think Katie's the easy one." Remus' eyes flitted to Sirius, Sirius' teeth made a clicking noise as he ground them together. 

"Which one's she?" Peter craned his neck looking over at the Hufflepuff table. 

"The one you sit next to in Charms." 

Peter shook his head, "No, that's Kelly." 

"Bugger if I know then." James grabbed a bowl and began to dish himself up some stew. "I was thinking something besides the Three Broomsticks--" 

"No," Sirius said, dropping his spoon in his half-eaten food. 

"If you insist, Padfoot. Then the Three Broomsticks it is. Though I don't think the quadruplets will appreciate you ogling Madam Rosmerta during our date." James grinned like the complete idiot he was and took a bite of his food. 

"No. I mean we aren't going." Sirius turned and stared daggers at James. 

"What's gotten into you? Sorry you've already had a go with two of them, but frankly it's hard to find someone you haven't had it off with in this place." James smiled matter-of-factly. Remus' brows raised at Sirius and his dark blue eyes widened. He didn't know Sirius had fooled around with those birds, nor half of the people he had. Remus knew Sirius had made his turn about the castle, but ever since their fifth year Sirius hadn't wanted Remus to know those sorts of things. He tried to keep as much from Remus as he could. 

"You think you can change what we told you yesterday." Anger began to flow through Sirius, he wanted to roll his hand into a fist and slug James in the face until it was good and bloodied. 

"Pffft, you mean your excuse for a joke?" James comically rolled his eyes. Sirius wanted to lunge at James but Remus shook his head, silently admonishing him not to make a scene. 

"What happened yesterday?" Peter asked Remus. 

"I'm leaving." Sirius stood from the bench and grabbed his bag. "Come on Moony, let's have it off before lunch is over." 

Remus walked with Sirius out of the Great Hall and said nothing as he pounded up the stairs. "We should just go, you know," Remus said, eventually. 

"Why the hell should I give in to Prongs when he's being such a bastard?" Sirius turned, glaring at Remus. 

"Don't snap at me, please," Remus sighed. Sirius reached out, pulling gently at Remus' sleeve and smiling apologetically. Remus continued, "He's your best mate and he's only trying to figure it all out." 

"By throwing a bunch of fanny in our faces?" Remus winced at Sirius' vulgarity, although he didn't mind it when the words were sweat drenched and panting. Hell, at those times he was far more vulgar than Sirius. 

"It'll make him feel better. Head thicker than a rock, but he'll feel better." Remus smiled weakly at him. Sirius grumbled that he didn't want to give in to James even if Remus was the one asking. Remus smiled softly. "I'll make it worth your while." 

"Done." Sirius replied, as he saw the glint in Remus' eyes.

*~*~*

The date, as it turned out, wasn't half bad. Sirius had dressed in his best button-down (the blue one he'd replaced buttons on twice because Remus had ripped it from his body), and made sure his hair smelled the way Remus liked best. Before they left Gryffindor common room, Remus shot Sirius a look that suggested they were already shagging in his head.

Sirius sat next to Remus so that their legs brushed under the table, their _dates_ on either side of them. All four girls talked so much that it saved Sirius from making pointless conversation with a girl whose name he had a one in four chance of getting correct. Remus, the good boy, smiled and nodded in all the right places, making a polite comment here or there. His date was half in love with him already. Poor girl had no idea she had no hope of competing with the gorgeus bloke to Remus' left. 

When the quadruplets got up to go to the loo in a pack, as all girls did, Remus exhaled heavily and slouched back in his seat. 

"Tired, Moony?" Peter asked, picking at some food on his date's plate. 

"No, I'm fine." Remus stood from the table, stretching. "Just need to move around for a minute. Padfoot, want to go to the loo with me?" 

"Of course." Sirius popped up from his chair, anxious to have a moment alone with Remus, even if it meant going to the loo in a pack. 

"I'll go too." James scooted his chair back. 

"Prongs, we aren't going to sneak off." Remus nodded reassuringly. "Please, have a little bit more faith in us than that." 

James straightend his glasses on his face and sat back down. Remus beckoned to Sirius and led the way to the bathrooms. They walked past the door to the men's room, and out the back into the ally. 

"What are you doing?" Sirius whispered. 

"We're sneaking off." Remus turned around to look at Sirius. 

"You just told James we weren't doing that." 

"Bugger James, making us go on a date with him. Come on, let's leave." Remus grinned wickedly and he reached out his hand to Sirius. Sirius grabbed it and pulled him into a crushing embrace, kissing him hard.

Their feet shuffled and they stumbled a bit before Sirius fell backwards onto a stack of empty crates and pulled Remus with him. Remus hissed slightly as his knees hit the crates. 

Sirius let his hands slide to Remus' belt buckle. Slowly, he pulled the belt from its first loop. 

"Not here," Remus said breathily against Sirius' mouth,. then returned to kissing him. 

"Then stop kissing me that way," Sirius replied and further undid the belt. 

"I have no idea what you are talking about." Remus wriggled so he was standing in between Sirius's legs, pressing himself against Sirius' cock. 

"You know…with your tongue flicking that way…and the moans in the back of your throat—" Remus moaned on cue, "and tugging on my lip with your teeth. Makes me hard and want to have a go at you right here." Sirius undid the rest of Remus' belt, but, before he could pull at the first button of his trousers, Remus grabbed his hands. 

"No, I mean it. Not here." He pulled away from kissing Sirius and looked him straight in the eyes. Sirius knew the look meant _Stop. Now._ but it was almost impossible. Remus was warm, and he smelled wonderful, and his breath was coming out in short breaths across Sirius' face, and it was all very delicious. Remus was also very hard, and so was Sirius – and he wasn't going to go anywhere with his cock painfully demanding attention. 

"No. Here." Sirius pulled roughly on Remus' trousers, popping off the first button. 

"Neither of us need splinters in our arses from the crates. Now stop being an idiot and come back to the dormitory." It was Remus' turn to be forceful. He pulled Sirius up, dragging him away from the ally and back towards Hogwarts. Sirius had no idea how Remus could pull him so easily. He had at least a stone and a half on him. 

It felt like it took ages to get back to the castle. Walking all that way through the tunnel with a prick harder than a rock was not an easy job. Remus started molesting Sirius' arse the minute they climbed out of the witch's hump, and getting through the portrait hole while kissing and groping was next to impossible. 

They finally made it up the stairs and into their dormitory. They were so busy tearing at one another's clothes, they almost forgot to shut the door. Remus pulled Sirius, angling towards his bed. Sirius pulled towards his own, he wasn't about to freeze his balls off next to that window.

Sirius tripped while stepping out of his trousers, falling forward onto the closest bed. It was comfortable, available, and one they could both agree on. It was also James' bed, but neither of them could be bothered with that, not with their cocks brushing past one another. 

Sometime later, Sirius has trouble recalling how much later (it's hard to keep time when Moony's mouth does that thing to his prick), there was shouting coming from the stairway leading to their dormitory. 

"One of you better be fucking dead! And I don't mean ill, I mean DEAD! I'm going to—" the door banged open "kill both of you—WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? THAT'S _MY_ BED!"

Remus grabbed his wand and shot it toward the bed hangings, closing them abruptly. Sirius heard the door slam shut as James left, shouting something about respecting personal property. It was all a little fuzzy, as Sirius was coming at that point.

*~*~*

"How come you didn't tell me?" James paced in front of Remus and Sirius, who sat with sheets wrapped around their lower halves. Remus and Sirius once again felt like children being lectured. "That's a hell of a way to come out to your friend, by shagging on his bed right in front of him."

"We tried to tell you," Remus said. 

"It wasn't our plan to shag right in front of you. We thought you'd enjoy the date for awhile longer." Sirius grinned easily. He couldn't be too fussed about James being so angry, since James had been such an idiot. 

"How can I enjoy my date when two of them are crying?"

"It’s hardly like we jilted them at the altar," Sirius sneered. "I’d have thought you and Wormtail would’ve been pleased to be left with two girls each. Haven’t you ever heard of threesomes? Or even sixsomes, if Pete was whining that he didn’t want to be alone with them."

James started to retort once or twice, but settled on, "I'm going to bed!" 

"Sounds good to me." Sirius stood to move to his own bed. 

"Oh no, you aren't going to your bed." James glared at Sirius "After what you did on mine, I get yours."

"Enjoy that!" Sirius snorted. "We've done it on my bed countless times."

"Great. Where haven't you done it?"

"My bed," Remus replied. 

"Your bed? But your bed is cold and drafty." James kicked out at the trunk closest to him then at a shoe in the middle of the floor. "I am not talking to either of you." James looked at Peter, who had wisely kept his mouth shut the entire time. "You are now officially my best friend, Wormtail." 

James got into Remus' bed, which was now apparently his, and closed the hangings in a huff. 

Remus grinned broadly at Sirius. "Guess that means this bed's ours." 

Sirius pulled Remus to him and wrapped them snuggly under the covers, and letting the bed hangings fall around them.


End file.
